deaddrop | Penance IC Inbox

[Natasha quirks a quick eyebrow in response. She can't disagree with that.]

Hard to say. I intend to try to talk to him if I can, one on one.

[She's thoughtful a moment.]

Not well, but I've talked to the girl who worked as Lucifer's assistant before, and she's looking at helping Lilith now. She might be one to tap. I'm not sure she's entirely reliable, but...

[She still might be a resource.]

I can't offer any input, having never met her. I could tail her, though, for the next few days if you think it's worth it.

Do you need backup with Overlord? We could send Liho wired in with you.

I don't think a tail could hurt.

[For the other part, Natasha pauses. She can see the value, but... after a brief consideration, she shakes her head.]

I don't think that will be necessary. I'd rather not get outed by a wire. It would just be trying to pump him for information, not planting a bug in his office. Low risk.

[Probably.]

Consider it done.

[ Eyes unfocused while Natalia weighs other options, and she perks up, tossing out -- ]

Now that Stark's here, we may be able to use his tech brain. Something to keep in mind.

[ For the potential House of M repeat or with getting the cat in as a decoy. ]

That's another option, potentially.

[One she's considered but hesitates to leap into.]

There's no faulting his skills, but he just got here and he's about ten years behind me. He might have a little catching up to do.

Ten?

[ She blinks rapidly, stunned not at the possibility, but at the shock of such a gap in timelines. At least with the people from her universe, it's been a handful of years (or so they've said - James's behavior still manages to irk her whenever she's reminded of the Thing Left Unsaid).

There are only one or two others left here, now, from home, and she's yet to make contact with the mutants. ]

He and Steve aren't all that far apart in the timeline. The rest of us...

[It's been something to navigate. Especially since Natasha's strategy for dealing with it has not been complete transparency.]

We're from a little further along. It's been an eventful few years.

Have you had to deal with anyone being dead from your time but not theirs?

A few, though I generally avoid that problem by not talking about it.

[Natasha almost stops there, almost leaves it. That's what she usually does, even with people who do know what happens. People like Barnes.

But this time, she does add something.]

Mostly it's just me.

[ Natalia averts her gaze onto her latest weapons, observing the claws' blood dance. ]

It would be easier to tell others about your own death, but informing them that they're the deceased one, that's messy. Because where do you draw the line? They're bound to want details - I sure as fuck would. When, how, who. Why, if there is one. Do you just say "You're dead and it's because of this, but I'm not revealing the date or time or what lead up to it"? Do you remain steadfast in that decision if they demand more answers, if they try to play some card of loyalty, lover, family?

That's why they don't need to know in the first place.

[She shakes her head slightly.]

It's easier that way. They do find out, sometimes. They know something or someone lets something slip. But they don't need to know what happens or how.

Either they'll go back and live it, or they won't.

A mess.

[ One she's happy to have avoided, thus far.

Lifting those blue eyes to Natasha, she softly tilts her head. ]

I realize how this could almost be construed as hypocritical, but. You only ever said it was a nasty fall and a necessary one.

That's about the short version of it.

[It is dangerously close to, if not hypocritical, contradictory.

But there's different rules for different worlds.]

It is a mess. You're not curious, are you?

Depends ; have you properly processed your death?

I'm not entirely sure how to answer that question. Is that the kind of thing you can process?

[Because it seems to Natasha like something you shouldn't have to process. The one upshot—after you die, everything is supposed to very quickly become someone else's problem. Including dealing with the emotional weight.]

[ Lips purse and eyes rove about, like the words are flitting about and they're trying to locate ones that fit better. ]

If we knew, for absolute certain, that this was an actual afterlife, then maybe not. If death is a permanent thing in your universe, again...maybe not. But when people from home appear, people who aren't dead...I don't know. Seems like something that should be more than 'Sacrifice, ledge, fall, dead'. And your death, though obviously noble and, I am assuming, necessary, wasn't exactly non-violent.

Maybe not. It wasn't as violent as you might expect.

[The only fighting had been against Clint, and he was trying to save her life as surely as she'd been trying to save his. Though she can't say it wasn't emotionally harrowing.

She still feels guilty for making him go back with that news.]

What do you mean, if death is a permanent thing?

Falling to your death usually doesn't make the non-violent deaths list.

[ A brow curves upward imperceptibly. ]

Resurrections, time-traveling selves being brought forward or backwards. With all the crazy shit we've seen, there seems to be ways around it. But not always.

[ The mutants seemed to live, die, and repeat more often than anyone else. ]

[Natasha can't object to all of those. Considering they were engaged in time travel when she died, there's no reason they couldn't steal another Black Widow from the past the same way they stole the stones, and the whole business was to bring back the people Thanos dusted—unless they didn't count as dead, then resurrection was the ultimate end goal.

The degree of casualness that Natalia uses gives her pause though.]

I have reason to believe I won't be coming back. At least not myself.

[Red Skull had been clear about that.]

It was a sacrifice. An actual one. Either Clint or I had to go over the edge... and I won that argument.

[ Slowly she nods, fitting these new pieces into the bigger picture. Of course Barton was involved. If it's not him, it's Barnes, the latter acting like a literal guardian angel as of late (back home, though it's endearing how similar the two are, this Bucky and that James). ]

You mentioned Thanos before; did it involve him?

It did. It's a long story, but the short version is that he managed to do what he wanted to. Kill half of all living creatures.

Certain steps had to be taken to undo it.

[They only had the one change.]

[ She pinches her fingers together and then taps the claws down thrice, clearly unnerved. And with good reason. ]

Yeah, he did something similar to us too. Nebula reversed it. It's only that...if something still haunts you, if you needed to talk to anyone else who wasn't there, I'm opening that door. We've been friends long enough that I would hope you already understand that, but on the same token, I won't always let you clam up. Because I do the same thing. Or...did.

I'm not sure I would characterize it as clamming up.

[Which isn't the same as saying it's an incorrect characterization.]

Just... not things that seem productive to air.

I can be annoying and say it's also not unproductive. Mental health and all that, da?

[ She's not judging, having no room to do so, and so, is looking on her other self with kindness and understanding. ]

[Natasha does not say that she thinks that ship has sailed, even if it is on the tip of her tongue. That seems like a very unhealthy thing to say.]

At this point keeping it in might be the best thing I can do for my mental help.

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