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[deaddrop]

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[deaddrop]

He and Steve aren't all that far apart in the timeline. The rest of us...

[It's been something to navigate. Especially since Natasha's strategy for dealing with it has not been complete transparency.]

We're from a little further along. It's been an eventful few years.

[krasnaya_smert]

Have you had to deal with anyone being dead from your time but not theirs?

[deaddrop]

A few, though I generally avoid that problem by not talking about it.

[Natasha almost stops there, almost leaves it. That's what she usually does, even with people who do know what happens. People like Barnes.

But this time, she does add something.]

Mostly it's just me.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Natalia averts her gaze onto her latest weapons, observing the claws' blood dance. ]

It would be easier to tell others about your own death, but informing them that they're the deceased one, that's messy. Because where do you draw the line? They're bound to want details - I sure as fuck would. When, how, who. Why, if there is one. Do you just say "You're dead and it's because of this, but I'm not revealing the date or time or what lead up to it"? Do you remain steadfast in that decision if they demand more answers, if they try to play some card of loyalty, lover, family?

[deaddrop]

That's why they don't need to know in the first place.

[She shakes her head slightly.]

It's easier that way. They do find out, sometimes. They know something or someone lets something slip. But they don't need to know what happens or how.

Either they'll go back and live it, or they won't.

[krasnaya_smert]

A mess.

[ One she's happy to have avoided, thus far.

Lifting those blue eyes to Natasha, she softly tilts her head. ]

I realize how this could almost be construed as hypocritical, but. You only ever said it was a nasty fall and a necessary one.

[deaddrop]

That's about the short version of it.

[It is dangerously close to, if not hypocritical, contradictory.

But there's different rules for different worlds.]

It is a mess. You're not curious, are you?

[krasnaya_smert]

Depends ; have you properly processed your death?

[deaddrop]

I'm not entirely sure how to answer that question. Is that the kind of thing you can process?

[Because it seems to Natasha like something you shouldn't have to process. The one upshot—after you die, everything is supposed to very quickly become someone else's problem. Including dealing with the emotional weight.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Lips purse and eyes rove about, like the words are flitting about and they're trying to locate ones that fit better. ]

If we knew, for absolute certain, that this was an actual afterlife, then maybe not. If death is a permanent thing in your universe, again...maybe not. But when people from home appear, people who aren't dead...I don't know. Seems like something that should be more than 'Sacrifice, ledge, fall, dead'. And your death, though obviously noble and, I am assuming, necessary, wasn't exactly non-violent.

[deaddrop]

Maybe not. It wasn't as violent as you might expect.

[The only fighting had been against Clint, and he was trying to save her life as surely as she'd been trying to save his. Though she can't say it wasn't emotionally harrowing.

She still feels guilty for making him go back with that news.]

What do you mean, if death is a permanent thing?

[krasnaya_smert]

Falling to your death usually doesn't make the non-violent deaths list.

[ A brow curves upward imperceptibly. ]

Resurrections, time-traveling selves being brought forward or backwards. With all the crazy shit we've seen, there seems to be ways around it. But not always.

[ The mutants seemed to live, die, and repeat more often than anyone else. ]

[deaddrop]

[Natasha can't object to all of those. Considering they were engaged in time travel when she died, there's no reason they couldn't steal another Black Widow from the past the same way they stole the stones, and the whole business was to bring back the people Thanos dusted—unless they didn't count as dead, then resurrection was the ultimate end goal.

The degree of casualness that Natalia uses gives her pause though.]

I have reason to believe I won't be coming back. At least not myself.

[Red Skull had been clear about that.]

It was a sacrifice. An actual one. Either Clint or I had to go over the edge... and I won that argument.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Slowly she nods, fitting these new pieces into the bigger picture. Of course Barton was involved. If it's not him, it's Barnes, the latter acting like a literal guardian angel as of late (back home, though it's endearing how similar the two are, this Bucky and that James). ]

You mentioned Thanos before; did it involve him?

[deaddrop]

It did. It's a long story, but the short version is that he managed to do what he wanted to. Kill half of all living creatures.

Certain steps had to be taken to undo it.

[They only had the one change.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She pinches her fingers together and then taps the claws down thrice, clearly unnerved. And with good reason. ]

Yeah, he did something similar to us too. Nebula reversed it. It's only that...if something still haunts you, if you needed to talk to anyone else who wasn't there, I'm opening that door. We've been friends long enough that I would hope you already understand that, but on the same token, I won't always let you clam up. Because I do the same thing. Or...did.

[deaddrop]

I'm not sure I would characterize it as clamming up.

[Which isn't the same as saying it's an incorrect characterization.]

Just... not things that seem productive to air.

[krasnaya_smert]

I can be annoying and say it's also not unproductive. Mental health and all that, da?

[ She's not judging, having no room to do so, and so, is looking on her other self with kindness and understanding. ]

[deaddrop]

[Natasha does not say that she thinks that ship has sailed, even if it is on the tip of her tongue. That seems like a very unhealthy thing to say.]

At this point keeping it in might be the best thing I can do for my mental help.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Natalia makes a soft sigh and hum. It's not as though she discusses her own deaths. At least, not much more beyond the facts; she's died, and more than once, and brought back by more than one means. Nevermind that it is largely due to the fact that the narrator doesn't remember said details. ]

What if I press you about something else?

[deaddrop]

I suppose it depends what you want to ask. I don't mind if you do ask though.

[krasnaya_smert]

How are you handling being without our little bird?

[ It's been a few weeks and she did promise, Tasha. ]

[deaddrop]

[A brief pause, then Natasha nods. She'll allow this line of prying.]

Mixed feelings, I suppose. It doesn't seem exactly right to want him here. He should be home with his family.

[Implied: she does miss him, and she does want him here.]

[krasnaya_smert]

It's understandable, even natural, to be selfish and want the comforts of home. I'm pretty sure that Altman, Kaplan, LeBeau, and Rogue are from my universe. They're the only ones who look exactly like themselves. So, while I am not, strictly speaking, alone, and I have my lovely little clones - ((she teases, referring to Tasha, Bucky, Wade, and so on)) - I can't honestly say that I don't want my Barton. My Barnes. Hell, I'd even take Hill. We aren't the only ones. Surely.

[deaddrop]

You know, there are worse people who could be here than Hill. Obviously I have no reason to start wishing I had more people from home, but... Could do worse.

[Another reason she's selfish. She has an embarrassment of people from home.]

But considering Tony and Carol, I really shouldn't get greedy.