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[krasnaya_smert]

Do we ever have good months?

[ Mostly the inquiry is rhetorical, because she's been around long enough at this point to have an idea. And while it is meant to be a version of Hell and punishments, there are certainly periods that are far worse than others.

Natalia takes a drink of the alcohol then stares into the glass. ]

If Clint was your go-to person, who do you talk to now about things? (looks back at Tasha) Assuming you're not shoving everything into mental corners.

[deaddrop]

Oh... I'm much better at bottling things up than just sweeping them into the corners.

[That's a joke. It's definitely a joke. See, it's funny?

Probably because it's true.]

I have people. Maybe not a go-to person, but I have people.

[People like Natalia who she can go to for company, maybe a little comfort. But not people she talks to the same way she did Clint.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Alright, fine, it gets a air-pushed-through-nose laugh coupled with a smirk. ]

What about Steve? What are the cons with making him an interim Clint?

[deaddrop]

[That gets a little rise out of Natasha's brows, a deviation in her jaw. That's a thorny question.]

If he were from my time, I would. We've been through so much... but this Steve is from earlier. And he's different. He's still Steve, but what he's been through...

[It's difficult, but considering her experience with resurrections and alternate versions of people, it may make sense.]

He feels so much. I think if I used him as a sounding board, I'd end up feeling responsible for managing his emotions too, and I don't have the energy for that.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She raises a hand to signify a not-so-heartfelt 'say no more', because Natalia was really just opening a door. She's relieved to hear what Natasha is backing up. ]

We've only talked the one time, in the October and...it was something. A rollercoaster, to be certain. Sometimes, the alternates are so similar that it's eerie, and then others, they're so different that it's jarring. Not so discomforting that there's no way of adapting or dealing, but it's this terrifying reminder that there isn't just the one Earth. There are multiple Earths. With multiple yous and thems.

But I'm saying I agree that Steve can't be the temporary Clint. Timeline difference aside, I...just didn't know if he was that way with everyone.

[deaddrop]

[Natasha can only nod at that. It's a relief to say that aloud, in a way. It's been something under the surface in other conversations, but it seems strange to voice.]

It's not meant as criticism, but...

It's all right. It's not the first time I haven't had a person.

[krasnaya_smert]

He wants to cook for me. Still need to take him up on that offer, but, uh, you want to be my uninvited date?

[ Gently teasing, the ghost of a smile cropping up around her next sip. ]

[deaddrop]

You and me both. He's managed to make me grilled cheese twice now. He makes it with Mayonnaise. He's very proud.

[The level of humor is easy enough to match. Comfortable.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She wrinkles her nose at that and takes another sip as if already washing out the taste. ]

I don't mind fires and mayonnaise, but I prefer my grilled cheese...grilled cheeses?...with hot sauce or jalapeños. I think it was Logan who got me hooked on that?

[deaddrop]

I'm not one to complain too much if someone else is cooking and it's not poisoned.

[It saves her cooking for herself, which more than one person may have commented on being less than ideal. It's less that she can't cook and more that she rarely puts out the effort to make something too complete.]

That said, the first time Castle was here, I got a burger out of it.

Should we worry if there's been a trend of men trying to feed us?

[krasnaya_smert]

Possibly. If it were women, I'd wonder about the whole Hansel und Gretel theme, but with men. Hm. The phrase is 'the key to a man's heart', but what does it mean when it's switched? I'm sure there's some folk- or fairytale out there that covers something more sinister beneath the layers.

[ Sounds like a future event idea, though, considering their conversation is hypothetical and for the humorous distraction. ]

[deaddrop]

It's not impossible. Maybe they're trying to prove that they're enlightened, not expecting us to cook for them.

[That fattening them up possibility can't be off the table. She doesn't doubt there's someone who'd do that here.]

Still, I'm not entirely sure I trust it.

[That last part is a joke though. It's still Steve they're talking about.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She snorts as it comes back to their mutual friend, shaking her head while drinking more. ]

Jesus, because out of all of us, he's really the one to worry about, da?

[ Neither of them know it was a Steve that killed her future self, a twisted version turned Hydra. James didn't get to reveal that fucked fact before disappearing. ]

It's almost amusing, how emotional he is and how emotional we can not be.

[deaddrop]

Ironic, at least.

[Like so many things in their lives. Who would have imagined assassins would become heroes in the first place?]

He's... more reserved in my time. He's been through a lot. We all have. I suppose I should be happy to have this version of him.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Carefully treading, Natalia gives a cursory look around them before offering -- ] I hope you know that whatever you say stays between us. Because I'm guessing that you can't exactly talk to him or Bucky about it.

[ She doesn't know the Thor well enough, but considering how little his name crops up, seems safe to assume he doesn't make the list either. ]

[deaddrop]

[Thor would be an option, if she hadn't murdered him as part of her initiation infiltrating the veiled order.

#blackwidowproblems]

If there's someone whose discretion I trust, it would be you.

[It's a sizable if, but still.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Her smile is brief, though genuine, accompanied by a few nods. Like it's settled. Good. ]

Those doctors who were testing blood and keeping track of things; are they trustworthy with this information?

[ Waggles fingers to indicate her claws. ]

[deaddrop]

[Now that is complicated.]

Two months ago, I would have said yes. Now...

[Well.]

They're SHIELD. Which only goes so far, doesn't it? I would trust them to track the changes, participate. But I'd also keep an eye on what they do with that information.

[krasnaya_smert]

(sighs) If this were Facebook and I was asked to rate my relationship with S.H.I.E.L.D., I would check "It's complicated" without hesitation. (nods) I'll give them the basics, then. Get a feel and let you know anything worth relaying. Is the information easily accessible to copy?

[ Easy for people like them, that is. ]

[deaddrop]

They don't keep the information that secure. It's anonymized, but...

[A shrug, her lips pursed slightly.]

Agent Fitz has a habit of underestimating the intelligence of field agents.

[krasnaya_smert]

Then I'll use that to my advantage.

[ Feeling very much like a metrodome, Natalia slides back into Barton territory. ]

With Clint; would it help you if we celebrated his birthday?

[deaddrop]

I'm not sure a birthday party for someone who's not here would make it better.

[It might. Or it might make it worse. At this point, she's honestly hard pressed to say.]

It might be nice to do something in his honor, though.

A toast?

[krasnaya_smert]

A toast with his preferred drink. Which for yours issss. . . ?

[deaddrop]

Something not too pretentious. He never saw much point in spending hundreds of dollars on a bottle of scotch.

[Clint was more of a good beer kind of a guy. Not cheap, but he didn't need to be fancy either.]

I'm sure we can find a whiskey his level.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She waves out a hand, silently prompting Natasha to buy said drink but verbally adding -- ] Mine has a preference for energy drinks, so I'll let you choose something worthy enough.

[ It's fitting, for how much of a trainwreck the poor guy can be. ]