Penance IC Inbox

[deaddrop]

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[deaddrop]

I suppose it depends what you want to ask. I don't mind if you do ask though.

[krasnaya_smert]

How are you handling being without our little bird?

[ It's been a few weeks and she did promise, Tasha. ]

[deaddrop]

[A brief pause, then Natasha nods. She'll allow this line of prying.]

Mixed feelings, I suppose. It doesn't seem exactly right to want him here. He should be home with his family.

[Implied: she does miss him, and she does want him here.]

[krasnaya_smert]

It's understandable, even natural, to be selfish and want the comforts of home. I'm pretty sure that Altman, Kaplan, LeBeau, and Rogue are from my universe. They're the only ones who look exactly like themselves. So, while I am not, strictly speaking, alone, and I have my lovely little clones - ((she teases, referring to Tasha, Bucky, Wade, and so on)) - I can't honestly say that I don't want my Barton. My Barnes. Hell, I'd even take Hill. We aren't the only ones. Surely.

[deaddrop]

You know, there are worse people who could be here than Hill. Obviously I have no reason to start wishing I had more people from home, but... Could do worse.

[Another reason she's selfish. She has an embarrassment of people from home.]

But considering Tony and Carol, I really shouldn't get greedy.

[krasnaya_smert]

If someone holds that against you, then that's on them. And it isn't like we have any sway in the matter. Hmph, at least not yet, though I wouldn't be surprised if that's some new fucked feature in the future. Add a sin, get someone from home.

[ Nat falls silent momentarily. Softly asks -- ]

You think he'll come back for a third time? Has anyone ever been back more than once?

[deaddrop]

Another one for the suggestion box.

[They have to find a little humor where they can.]

Not that I'm aware of. Not with their memories intact, at least.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Snorts. ]

Let's get Steve to make one out of wood. Have someone else laser into it.

[ And there's the catch. It's possible, but unlikely to be in their favor. ]

The last and only other time I saw him, he was looking a lot worse off than us.

[ More to Barbie's tastes, with the mess of horns. ]

cw: torture/penance punishments

[deaddrop]

Clint, you mean? No, I don't... I'm not sure he was doing all that well here.

The last time I saw him, he was on meat hooks, and I was being asked to punish him.

[Not the last time she wanted to see her friend.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Though her eyes grow wet, no tears fall, and Natalia is up without much time between hearing those words. She comes up behind Natasha to envelope her in a fierce hug, cheek to cheek. ]

[deaddrop]

[The hug comes as a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. There's a brief hesitation before she returns the embrace for a quick, firm hug.

One of many things Natasha hasn't let herself process.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Natalia stays in place a moment longer before stamping a kiss onto Tasha's cheek, atop her head. She doesn't go back to her seat, though, and instead takes up sentry in the one beside her other self. Only to jump back up with a finger held in a 'just a moment' position. Talia goes to the bar to order them strong alcohol and returns with both absinthe and rum & cola, which she places in front of them. ]

The rum and Coke is in case you don't have a taste for absinthe. But it was the strongest thing I could think of on a whim.

[deaddrop]

You know, those are very different choices.

[Mildly. Neither would be Natasha's first choice, but neither of them are are exactly a problem either.]

The absinthe would be stronger.

[krasnaya_smert]

Well, I thought vodka may not cut it, so. (quick shrug) Here we are.

[ Natalia has since retracted the claws, did so upon getting up, and she pushes the anise-flavored drink at her psuedo-twin. ]

Have you had to do that before? The involuntary torture of loved ones?

[deaddrop]

It's not the only time that's happened here. Just one of the worst.

[The worst, not to put too fine of a point on it.]

I think in general that was a very bad month.

[krasnaya_smert]

Do we ever have good months?

[ Mostly the inquiry is rhetorical, because she's been around long enough at this point to have an idea. And while it is meant to be a version of Hell and punishments, there are certainly periods that are far worse than others.

Natalia takes a drink of the alcohol then stares into the glass. ]

If Clint was your go-to person, who do you talk to now about things? (looks back at Tasha) Assuming you're not shoving everything into mental corners.

[deaddrop]

Oh... I'm much better at bottling things up than just sweeping them into the corners.

[That's a joke. It's definitely a joke. See, it's funny?

Probably because it's true.]

I have people. Maybe not a go-to person, but I have people.

[People like Natalia who she can go to for company, maybe a little comfort. But not people she talks to the same way she did Clint.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ Alright, fine, it gets a air-pushed-through-nose laugh coupled with a smirk. ]

What about Steve? What are the cons with making him an interim Clint?

[deaddrop]

[That gets a little rise out of Natasha's brows, a deviation in her jaw. That's a thorny question.]

If he were from my time, I would. We've been through so much... but this Steve is from earlier. And he's different. He's still Steve, but what he's been through...

[It's difficult, but considering her experience with resurrections and alternate versions of people, it may make sense.]

He feels so much. I think if I used him as a sounding board, I'd end up feeling responsible for managing his emotions too, and I don't have the energy for that.

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She raises a hand to signify a not-so-heartfelt 'say no more', because Natalia was really just opening a door. She's relieved to hear what Natasha is backing up. ]

We've only talked the one time, in the October and...it was something. A rollercoaster, to be certain. Sometimes, the alternates are so similar that it's eerie, and then others, they're so different that it's jarring. Not so discomforting that there's no way of adapting or dealing, but it's this terrifying reminder that there isn't just the one Earth. There are multiple Earths. With multiple yous and thems.

But I'm saying I agree that Steve can't be the temporary Clint. Timeline difference aside, I...just didn't know if he was that way with everyone.

[deaddrop]

[Natasha can only nod at that. It's a relief to say that aloud, in a way. It's been something under the surface in other conversations, but it seems strange to voice.]

It's not meant as criticism, but...

It's all right. It's not the first time I haven't had a person.

[krasnaya_smert]

He wants to cook for me. Still need to take him up on that offer, but, uh, you want to be my uninvited date?

[ Gently teasing, the ghost of a smile cropping up around her next sip. ]

[deaddrop]

You and me both. He's managed to make me grilled cheese twice now. He makes it with Mayonnaise. He's very proud.

[The level of humor is easy enough to match. Comfortable.]

[krasnaya_smert]

[ She wrinkles her nose at that and takes another sip as if already washing out the taste. ]

I don't mind fires and mayonnaise, but I prefer my grilled cheese...grilled cheeses?...with hot sauce or jalapeños. I think it was Logan who got me hooked on that?

[deaddrop]

I'm not one to complain too much if someone else is cooking and it's not poisoned.

[It saves her cooking for herself, which more than one person may have commented on being less than ideal. It's less that she can't cook and more that she rarely puts out the effort to make something too complete.]

That said, the first time Castle was here, I got a burger out of it.

Should we worry if there's been a trend of men trying to feed us?