Seems like I missed out, because Pearce and Kenney are...also caught up in the latest.
[ And Natalia doesn't know how to feel about that, either. ]
A thousand and three things need to be addressed, but let's focus on the easier part - you good trigger-wise? It's not Hellburbia, but neither was it "consensual".
[Normally Natasha wouldn't have glossed over something like that, but in this particular instance she'll forgive herself for being inattentive or forgetting.
And leave it to Natalia to ask that. As different as their lives have been in some respects, they have clearly been similar in others. Questions come to Natasha's mind she she doesn't ask. Instead after a pause she tries to split the difference between honesty and privacy.]
[ Opinions. Feelings. Ill and well wishes alike, the former being directed at their ever-so-lovely captors. ]
Is this a conversation you want to keep digital or would you rather meet up somewhere? I can honestly say that I'm comfortable with both this time. Because it hasn't been an easy however many hours.
[ It's easier talking through texts, of course. And in some ways preferable, but Natalia considers that it might be a tad more polite, proper, respectful, to have this conversation in person. She sighs and looks at Liho, as if the cat possesses the answer of 'what to do?' But the feline only blinks. ]
I'll bring an extra bottle. [ Bottle in one hand, Natalia raps three times with the other, her features arranged in something neutral and hair gathered in low-hanging ponytail. ]
[Natasha nods from where she is when Natalia comes in, seated on the couch with her feet set wide and a half empty bottle of vodka on the table in front of her.
In her defense, she hasn't drank that much now. She's been slowly working through this bottle since the marriage.
There's two shot glasses: one full, the other recently emptied.]
What, theses marriages don't even come with an upgrade in quarters?
[ On one hand, she'd been grateful that there wasn't, because Natasha would either have the room to herself or more likely be forced to live with others while the boys moved out. And it seems like an easy way to break the ice. Or something.
Natalia takes up space beside her other self, a subtle enough additional distance placed that would be undectable by most but not them. Her own bottle is missing some of its contents as well, and for it, Talia simple shrugs. Fun times all around. ]
[ Blue eyes flick sideways to regard Natasha, not allowing her own self to hem and haw over diving in or delaying. She's been delaying, and now the originals (people who came from the same place, Natasha and Bucky, Aiden and Ray) are paired off. They're married, and though it wasn't by choice, Natalia isn't naïve enough to deny that things couldn't have easily taken the same route regardless. At least where the Chicagoans are concerned. ]
[It's not as though Natasha is in a hurry to unburden herself on this one. There's so much in Natasha's past she's avoided airing, so much she's just as soon not dredge up .]
[ Were she Barton or Wilson, she'd shoot off one last, light cheeky remark. But Romanova is neither, and she clinks her nails against the vodka before filling her glass and taking a drink.
Briefly, Talia touches her throat, but then settles that hand back into her lap. ]
I died and things changed, which can be expected. I died, and then certain people came to realizations or wanted something that, honestly, I would have much preferred from the start. Because back home, when I do enter a relationship, I'm monogamous. If something needs to happen on the job, my partners realize it's just work and at the end of the day, I come home to them. I give myself to them and never the target.
[Natasha intends that sympathetically. She is sympathetic. It's difficult to keep a little deadpan out of her her tone though in light of the marriages, the fact she's almost certain monogamy will be leveraged against them as an excuse to punish her or Barnes, or whoever they happen to visit.
[ Lips briefly press themselves into a line before she responds. ]
I'm well aware, but there's also a difference between willfully choosing who you take to bed versus the shit this place forces us to do. It's irrational to call the latter infidelity, and so, there's the option of at least giving enough fucks to only want to be with so many people or having sex with everyone and anyone.
[The force of Natalia's statement and the emotion behind it takes Natasha by surprise. Perhaps it shouldn't have considering the other Widow had felt strongly enough to bring his up in the first place.
It gives her pause. And she takes a second to dial back her own first reaction.]
Is there someone specific you're characterizing there, or is that a commentary on the general state of the sexual morality?
[ She waves a hand flippantly while taking another drink. ]
Nyet, just the general attitude of most. [ She snorts and gives Natasha A Look.] I was sleeping with Wade; clearly, I don't judge. But that doesn't mean I didn't still wish for more exclusive relationships. Sharing partners with others who are also having sex with those same people, it's...new territory.
[ Strange and sometimes uncomfortable territory. Interacting with Morse after Barton and Natalia had gone their separate ways wasn't the same thing as what was currently going on with Barnes, with Kenney. ]
[Natasha wisely does not remark that she'd also slept with Wade, if only the once.
Not that she thinks he would be the point of contention between them, if there was going to be one.]
While it's different from the aphrodisiacs and the mind control and the other very questionable situations that make sex less than voluntary, I'd say that's still difficult here. High stress environment, general lack of stability, any number of situations that actively encourage we to make bad choices...
[Or maybe bad is the wrong way to characterize it.]
Your confidence is endearing. [ Natalia reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose, her sigh audible. It wasn't easy with Bucky either, but she means to be on the same page with everyone. ] This.. isn't the point, (she drops the hand and focuses on the floor) the thing I wanted to tell you is that sometimes it feels...it gets a little weird. The sharing and the being with two different versions of the same person. And I recognize that I'm the one making it weird, but I at least wanted it known.
[Natasha throws back another drink at that, her lips puckering slightly at the burn as she swallows.
She should just leave the lid off the bottle.]
All right. [Confidence might not be the word Natasha would use for it.] I won't pretend I don't know why that might be the case. It's out in the open now.
I'm not sure what you want me to do about it, though. I don't have a problem with keeping him out of conversation or otherwise... [Otherwise what? Natasha pours herself another shot, though she doesn't lift it yet.] ... Make it a point of contention, I suppose.
[ She gives up on her own glass and just takes to cradling the bottle in her lap, taking a pull before speaking. Natalia angles towards Natasha a little, body language opening some. She shrugs one shoulder. ]
I don't even know that I was necessarily looking for something to be done, honestly. I'm not asking anyone to stop being with the other, I'm not laying down ultimatums. Divorces are between the three of you, which, allow me to detour for a moment -- (features sort themselves into a wtf-ery face) did MamMom make you marry both of them or just Barnes?
Just Barnes. Small mercies, I suppose. [Adding Steve to the mix, and Steve as he is her, would be one more variable that Natasha does not want to deal with. He would be a whole other kind of painful, apart from Bucky.] He's planning to have ours annulled, for whatever that's worth. I don't know what he's planning with Rogers, but as far as our marriage goes.
Personally I think it's bold to assume annulment or divorce will be options, or easy options at least. I haven't exactly observed that to be the case with the casino weddings, so I don't see why it would be here.
[Raising her glass again, Natasha rubs her nose discreetly before taking the shot.]
But I suppose someone might as well be an optimist.
I don't understand how the shit Barbie enforced hasn't been reversed yet. It makes me nervous.
[ Natalia picks at nothing on her person, but she doesn't close herself off again. If anything she realizes into the position more fully, bending one leg beneath her and keeping the other lightly on the floor. ]
My adverse reaction also stems from the reminder that such things are possible back home for certain individuals. But for me, I won't be going to those homes. I don't have the liberty of marrying Barnes or Pearce anywhere but here.
[ And who the hell gets married in Hell?
Natalia is also blatantly aware that Natasha is also restricted to such things, what with being dead, though there's always the possibility, in the event Lucifer or God choose to grant either resurrection or a Heavenly afterlife. ]
[ Her snort is almost obnoxious, though it's not something maliciously aimed at Natasha - it's at the idea and its absurdity. ]
If we're going to abide by Christian logic, da. Sure. For all we know, the Other Guy has pull in certain areas. Though, a case could be made for divorce being possible given how "wrong" it is. [ Talia did the finger quotes, thighs clamped around the vodka to keep the bottle in place. ]
Be real for at least this answer; how are you doing?
Christian logic tends to be the rule around here. Though admittedly not without some embellishment.
[Though really, who knew? Natasha is guessing, the same as all of them.
The other part... Natasha doesn't answer immediately. It's not as easy for her to be honest in response, but it's also not so easy to lie face to face. Not to someone who has an inkling some of the ways this might be difficult.
Finally she shrugs.]
I've been been better. [A deep breath.] It's a hit. It'll take a minute to shake off.
[ Since they're already discussing him, Natalia is alright with continuing, with making this a rare occasion, and so she presses for more information. ]
How so?
[ To further emphasize that she's asking from a genuine place and not just for the sake of it, Talia leans across the space between them to top off Tasha's glass. Never mind that they've switched to the bottles. It's the gesture that matters. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ And Natalia doesn't know how to feel about that, either. ]
A thousand and three things need to be addressed, but let's focus on the easier part - you good trigger-wise? It's not Hellburbia, but neither was it "consensual".
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[Normally Natasha wouldn't have glossed over something like that, but in this particular instance she'll forgive herself for being inattentive or forgetting.
And leave it to Natalia to ask that. As different as their lives have been in some respects, they have clearly been similar in others. Questions come to Natasha's mind she she doesn't ask. Instead after a pause she tries to split the difference between honesty and privacy.]
Some of it's close to home, but I'll manage.
You have opinions?
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Is this a conversation you want to keep digital or would you rather meet up somewhere? I can honestly say that I'm comfortable with both this time. Because it hasn't been an easy however many hours.
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I think I'm going to need a drink for this. You can either join me or forgive the typos.
Whichever you prefer.
⇉ action;
I'll bring an extra bottle.
[ Bottle in one hand, Natalia raps three times with the other, her features arranged in something neutral and hair gathered in low-hanging ponytail. ]
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[Natasha nods from where she is when Natalia comes in, seated on the couch with her feet set wide and a half empty bottle of vodka on the table in front of her.
In her defense, she hasn't drank that much now. She's been slowly working through this bottle since the marriage.
There's two shot glasses: one full, the other recently emptied.]
Make yourself at home.
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[ On one hand, she'd been grateful that there wasn't, because Natasha would either have the room to herself or more likely be forced to live with others while the boys moved out. And it seems like an easy way to break the ice. Or something.
Natalia takes up space beside her other self, a subtle enough additional distance placed that would be undectable by most but not them. Her own bottle is missing some of its contents as well, and for it, Talia simple shrugs. Fun times all around. ]
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[Natasha refills her own glass. She's thought of it. She saw it happen before. How could she not wonder?
But at least for now there's been no change. Maybe when they're back in Penance. Maybe not.
The extra distance didn't go unmarked. Looks like today wouldn't be a cuddle.
Not a surprise either.]
So what's on your mind?
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[ Blue eyes flick sideways to regard Natasha, not allowing her own self to hem and haw over diving in or delaying. She's been delaying, and now the originals (people who came from the same place, Natasha and Bucky, Aiden and Ray) are paired off. They're married, and though it wasn't by choice, Natalia isn't naïve enough to deny that things couldn't have easily taken the same route regardless. At least where the Chicagoans are concerned. ]
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[It's not as though Natasha is in a hurry to unburden herself on this one. There's so much in Natasha's past she's avoided airing, so much she's just as soon not dredge up .]
I've had plenty of time to stew over my problems.
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Briefly, Talia touches her throat, but then settles that hand back into her lap. ]
I died and things changed, which can be expected. I died, and then certain people came to realizations or wanted something that, honestly, I would have much preferred from the start. Because back home, when I do enter a relationship, I'm monogamous. If something needs to happen on the job, my partners realize it's just work and at the end of the day, I come home to them. I give myself to them and never the target.
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[Natasha intends that sympathetically. She is sympathetic. It's difficult to keep a little deadpan out of her her tone though in light of the marriages, the fact she's almost certain monogamy will be leveraged against them as an excuse to punish her or Barnes, or whoever they happen to visit.
One more way for Hell to set traps for them.]
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I'm well aware, but there's also a difference between willfully choosing who you take to bed versus the shit this place forces us to do. It's irrational to call the latter infidelity, and so, there's the option of at least giving enough fucks to only want to be with so many people or having sex with everyone and anyone.
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It gives her pause. And she takes a second to dial back her own first reaction.]
Is there someone specific you're characterizing there, or is that a commentary on the general state of the sexual morality?
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Nyet, just the general attitude of most. [ She snorts and gives Natasha A Look. ] I was sleeping with Wade; clearly, I don't judge. But that doesn't mean I didn't still wish for more exclusive relationships. Sharing partners with others who are also having sex with those same people, it's...new territory.
[ Strange and sometimes uncomfortable territory. Interacting with Morse after Barton and Natalia had gone their separate ways wasn't the same thing as what was currently going on with Barnes, with Kenney. ]
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Not that she thinks he would be the point of contention between them, if there was going to be one.]
While it's different from the aphrodisiacs and the mind control and the other very questionable situations that make sex less than voluntary, I'd say that's still difficult here. High stress environment, general lack of stability, any number of situations that actively encourage we to make bad choices...
[Or maybe bad is the wrong way to characterize it.]
Still a difficult place to be monogamous.
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She should just leave the lid off the bottle.]
All right. [Confidence might not be the word Natasha would use for it.] I won't pretend I don't know why that might be the case. It's out in the open now.
I'm not sure what you want me to do about it, though. I don't have a problem with keeping him out of conversation or otherwise... [Otherwise what? Natasha pours herself another shot, though she doesn't lift it yet.] ... Make it a point of contention, I suppose.
The wedding wasn't either of our idea.
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I don't even know that I was necessarily looking for something to be done, honestly. I'm not asking anyone to stop being with the other, I'm not laying down ultimatums. Divorces are between the three of you, which, allow me to detour for a moment -- (features sort themselves into a wtf-ery face) did MamMom make you marry both of them or just Barnes?
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Personally I think it's bold to assume annulment or divorce will be options, or easy options at least. I haven't exactly observed that to be the case with the casino weddings, so I don't see why it would be here.
[Raising her glass again, Natasha rubs her nose discreetly before taking the shot.]
But I suppose someone might as well be an optimist.
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[ Natalia picks at nothing on her person, but she doesn't close herself off again. If anything she realizes into the position more fully, bending one leg beneath her and keeping the other lightly on the floor. ]
My adverse reaction also stems from the reminder that such things are possible back home for certain individuals. But for me, I won't be going to those homes. I don't have the liberty of marrying Barnes or Pearce anywhere but here.
[ And who the hell gets married in Hell?
Natalia is also blatantly aware that Natasha is also restricted to such things, what with being dead, though there's always the possibility, in the event Lucifer or God choose to grant either resurrection or a Heavenly afterlife. ]
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[It is Hell, after all. Aren't they supposed to suffer? Or to be tested. Either way, really.]
Though I think the party line is that God loves marriage. Divorce, not so much.
[Maybe it's even true. Maybe they do enforce God's will in that respect. Isn't all of this allegedly God's will? But Natasha doubts it.
She's inclined to think it's just one more way to fuck with them.]
Believe me, I do sympathize with that.
[Considering this is the closest she expects to come to a real marriage.]
Yay, new icons!
If we're going to abide by Christian logic, da. Sure. For all we know, the Other Guy has pull in certain areas. Though, a case could be made for divorce being possible given how "wrong" it is. [ Talia did the finger quotes, thighs clamped around the vodka to keep the bottle in place. ]
Be real for at least this answer; how are you doing?
I am living for getting new icons.
[Though really, who knew? Natasha is guessing, the same as all of them.
The other part... Natasha doesn't answer immediately. It's not as easy for her to be honest in response, but it's also not so easy to lie face to face. Not to someone who has an inkling some of the ways this might be difficult.
Finally she shrugs.]
I've been been better. [A deep breath.] It's a hit. It'll take a minute to shake off.
I owe Barnes an apology.
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How so?
[ To further emphasize that she's asking from a genuine place and not just for the sake of it, Talia leans across the space between them to top off Tasha's glass. Never mind that they've switched to the bottles. It's the gesture that matters. ]
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cw: mentions of abuse
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Fade out ;