[Though Finn doesn't fully realizes it, the same feeling held true for him. All around him were others at work fortifying their camp, discussing the next day's itinerary, or simply enjoying a little late night conversation. It should have been distracting, but it wasn't. They were all miles away, as far as he was concerned.
Meanwhile, the person who actually was miles away felt as if she were right next to him. Funny how that worked.]
I mean... [It's hard to bite back the urge to counter her assertion; that stubborn insistence that, no, of course nothing from Natasha's past would change how he felt about her now. In the end, he does swallow it. There were versions of him he wasn't too keen on Natasha knowing, either.] It's a good thing, right? You grow up and you get more and more like the person you're supposed to be in the end.
[Even as he says it, the words feel strange in his mouth. If that were true, why did each passing year older make him feel less comfortable in his own skin. Finn frowns, looking to Natasha with genuine curiosity.]
Like, you. You're the person you're supposed to be now, right?
[The question is soft, open ended and somewhat rhetorical. A way to sidestep a direct answer, even if it's only buying time. It's complicated, and in some ways maybe she does think it's true.
It had felt that way on Vormir—like so many years of her life had led her to that moment so she could be the right person at the right time. She'd been able to save her best friend's life because of it. She'd been able, in some part, to undue the Snap because of it.
But having to live with that choice afterward, who did that make her now?]
Seems like a lot of circumstances have me reflecting on that lately. Maybe you're right. I'm not sure I think it's really who you're meant to be in the end, though. That makes it sound like there's a plan, and I'm not sure I buy it.
[If this was meant to be, she had some words for whoever it was whose intentions they were paying out.]
But you're right that all those other Natashas got me here, and I suppose on some level I should thank them for that.
[Some of the uglier versions of herself might be the only reason she's alive right now when so many other girls weren't.]
And the Natasha I am now is... sort of the best I can do in the moment? Something like that.
[Something about the way Natasha spoke reminds Finn of a storyteller. It's not the first time he's thought that about her, but it may be the first time he's realized it consciously. Each word left her mouth imbued with a careful sort of meaning (or sometimes, the notable absence of meaning) that came together in the end to paint the picture of who she was.
Natasha; tough as nails but without the arrogance, good humored but not too flashy, thoughtful but never too personal. Each piece of her that Finn could see was muted by another, buttoning her up into the person she felt comfortable showing the rest of the world.
Was this person she was letting him see now still that Natasha? Finn leans on his hand, watching her keenly as she speaks. It's as if he's waiting for the answer to leap out at him at any moment.]
Well, the Nettle you are now is pretty cool. [No answers yet, but Finn is smiling anyway. Not just smiling, grinning.] But maybe the next version of you will get a better nickname.
[Natasha smiles at that comment, significantly less open. If anything, her expression closes somewhat. It's not hostility. If anything, there's a little bit of fondness in it, something almost indulgent.
But also a little sad.]
I've had a lot of nicknames. Natasha suits me just fine. Suppose I can let Nettle stick around for a while.
[She shrugs, not letting the expression stick long.]
[ The shift of expression is almost imperceptible; subtleties sanded off by the headset connection and Finn's own youth and experience. Still, he does notice something. Around the eyes, maybe? Finn feels his own expression tightening in his efforts to place it.
Was she... okay?
Finn opens his mouth to ask exactly that, clearly tentative, when a new voice makes shouts across the connection. Finn jumps as if he'd just received an electric shock. ]
Finn! [ The voice shouts; Natasha might recognize it as Felix. ] Let's hurry it up!
[ Scrambling anxiously, Finn is already gathering up his things. He casts an apologetic look to Natasha, whatever he'd been about to ask gone from his mind. ]
I'm coming! [ He frowns, guilt obvious. It's not just because he's making a quick exit, either. ] Ugh, sorry Nettle. I gotta go. See you tomorrow?
sob when you see the typos when you reread. oh well!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Meanwhile, the person who actually was miles away felt as if she were right next to him. Funny how that worked.]
I mean... [It's hard to bite back the urge to counter her assertion; that stubborn insistence that, no, of course nothing from Natasha's past would change how he felt about her now. In the end, he does swallow it. There were versions of him he wasn't too keen on Natasha knowing, either.] It's a good thing, right? You grow up and you get more and more like the person you're supposed to be in the end.
[Even as he says it, the words feel strange in his mouth. If that were true, why did each passing year older make him feel less comfortable in his own skin. Finn frowns, looking to Natasha with genuine curiosity.]
Like, you. You're the person you're supposed to be now, right?
no subject
[The question is soft, open ended and somewhat rhetorical. A way to sidestep a direct answer, even if it's only buying time. It's complicated, and in some ways maybe she does think it's true.
It had felt that way on Vormir—like so many years of her life had led her to that moment so she could be the right person at the right time. She'd been able to save her best friend's life because of it. She'd been able, in some part, to undue the Snap because of it.
But having to live with that choice afterward, who did that make her now?]
Seems like a lot of circumstances have me reflecting on that lately. Maybe you're right. I'm not sure I think it's really who you're meant to be in the end, though. That makes it sound like there's a plan, and I'm not sure I buy it.
[If this was meant to be, she had some words for whoever it was whose intentions they were paying out.]
But you're right that all those other Natashas got me here, and I suppose on some level I should thank them for that.
[Some of the uglier versions of herself might be the only reason she's alive right now when so many other girls weren't.]
And the Natasha I am now is... sort of the best I can do in the moment? Something like that.
no subject
Natasha; tough as nails but without the arrogance, good humored but not too flashy, thoughtful but never too personal. Each piece of her that Finn could see was muted by another, buttoning her up into the person she felt comfortable showing the rest of the world.
Was this person she was letting him see now still that Natasha? Finn leans on his hand, watching her keenly as she speaks. It's as if he's waiting for the answer to leap out at him at any moment.]
Well, the Nettle you are now is pretty cool. [No answers yet, but Finn is smiling anyway. Not just smiling, grinning.] But maybe the next version of you will get a better nickname.
no subject
But also a little sad.]
I've had a lot of nicknames. Natasha suits me just fine. Suppose I can let Nettle stick around for a while.
[She shrugs, not letting the expression stick long.]
You'll have to tell me if I earn a new one.
no subject
Was she... okay?
Finn opens his mouth to ask exactly that, clearly tentative, when a new voice makes shouts across the connection. Finn jumps as if he'd just received an electric shock. ]
Finn! [ The voice shouts; Natasha might recognize it as Felix. ] Let's hurry it up!
[ Scrambling anxiously, Finn is already gathering up his things. He casts an apologetic look to Natasha, whatever he'd been about to ask gone from his mind. ]
I'm coming! [ He frowns, guilt obvious. It's not just because he's making a quick exit, either. ] Ugh, sorry Nettle. I gotta go. See you tomorrow?
sob when you see the typos when you reread. oh well!
[She ought to get some dinner and settle in for the night. They're going to be working again tomorrow.]
Take care of yourself. I expect to see you in one piece at the end of this.
THE CURSE
Right back atcha, Nettle.